Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc
by Absolute Infinity
Summary: Sometimes things happen due to the idiocy of other people, sometimes things happen to the idiocy of me. Clearly it was the former, and I do not appreciate the fact that they ruined my perfectly good life so that I can be a "weapon of destruction". I'm a child of science, of the real world, not this fantastical ninja one. Cliché OC/SI! story


味噌も糞も一緒 【みすもくそもいっしょ】

4:00AM—Konohagakure

Konoha in the early morning is quite beautiful. The leaves rustle slightly in the breeze, casting light shadows on the barely lit ground. Most windows are dark, but some are lit with a bare light from small lamps within their bounds. The scent of safety lingers in the air as a bloody and bruised child makes his way home. Keeping to the comfort of the large objects that can hide him from any more attackers, the small boy crawls in a sluggish and irregular way. They never did anything like this before. The sun finally comes over the horizon as he gets to his destination.

The door clicks open, and he drags himself inside. Where are his parents? Why is he left to his own accord? He stands, wobbling. He drags himself to his bed, murmuring all the way to God, wishing for something to change. Before he falls asleep, he lifts his arms to the sky, studying all the bruises that litter his hands. His little six year old hands fade into the darkness as he slowly blinks his eyes closed. They thump down on either side of him, his chest slowly falling into a peaceful pace. It's five in the morning and the Hokage will come check on him at nine.

It will be a normal day for this child. Hated for what he contains, for what his father—the hero who saved the whole village from destruction—did to him (although he didn't want it to turn out this way). Every morning the child wakes up and starts his repetitive day at home. He cleans for his inspection (he really should have someone taking care of him, but where are they?) that he has every so often. He stands on his stool, cooking ramen in dirty pots and eating out of dirty bowls. It is normal for him. At this time in his life, he has no spark, no will to live, as he has not found the will of fire. Sometimes he just wants to die.

"What's the point in living anymore?" He whispers to himself at times. "Maybe one of them will strike me hard enough that I will not see, feel, or hear anymore..." Such words a child should not say, such words should be forbidden from leaving his mouth—but no one will stop him from believing every single venomous drop of it.

"My parents... why aren't they here for me like the others'?" This poor orphan boy, destined for greatness, filled to the brim with darkness now. This isn't how it should be though; his future will not be as foretold. A soul is going to be ripped from its path and planted into a body that can rip others to shreds. The boy will no longer be the monster. Someone else will be much worse, and they will enjoy every single moment of it.

(Page break)

4:30AM—Research Lab 4

_The experiment is almost ready to be done, just a few more tweaks are needed. The five "sacrifices" are just beginning to wake up, so the procedure needs to be done soon. We have one child's body; female. It has been kept in good condition, but there is some facial scarring that should not spoil the test. The array is drawn and ready to go, and extra prisoners are coming in case the amount of souls we predicted to be exchanged was wrong. The outcome should be as expected: successful._

Takano Kukan pushes his chair away from his moleskin notebook with a smirk placed eagerly upon his lips. Everything is going as planned. He gets up, making sure to push the chair back into its proper position and straightening up all the papers and writing utensils on his desk, and exits the room with a dangerous zeal. This is going to be the day he is going to make a real name for himself. This is going to be the day that everyone will love him like they use to, before they forgot him in the shadows. After so many years of research and work finding the right kanji and symbols to put in his seal, it was done at just the right moment. The sky would be absolutely clear today. Any changes in the sky will mean that the experiment went well and his great masterpiece will be perfect. Konohagakure would have a weapon on par with the Kyuubi, meaning it will the most powerful hidden village the ninja world has ever seen. A weapon of mass destruction that won't be lead off track by emotions, they will be a shell of emptiness.

_Specific things must be done to prepare for the experiment:_

_1: A lead plate must be worn over the chest at all times during and after the experiment._

_2: All doors must be locked leading into and out of the experimental chamber._

_3: All books must be removed from the premises except for the "research book"._

_4: Life must continue as normal around where the procedure is to take place. _

_5: Sacrifices must have a silver or gold token under their tongue._

_If these things are not done, disaster beyond one's imagination shall occur. _

Kukan's stomach growls. The rules say nothing about eating before, so he heads to his refrigerator and grabs some day-old onigiri.

(Page break)

6:45AM—Uchiha Complex

Sometimes, when he feels alone, Itachi meditates. A young child with greatness thrust upon him—sometimes he has to clear his head. It makes sense; such prodigy should get some time to just breathe. He is a weary boy, an ANBU ninja, a life some aim for while others would never think of. The risks are high, the mental toll is great. His father is the one who pushes this onto him. This peace loving child.

It's impossible to get into the head of someone like Itachi. He's what most people consider and enigma. Maybe one day someone who showed promise in a field such as psychology or even biology would come and try to figure out what goes on within such a human's grey matter. Maybe an individual who sees the world differently than those who live in it... Of course there are plentiful people within his realm of living who might think in such a way, but the chances of him meeting them before a certain incident will happen is less than 20%. There are so many variables though, anything can change. In a different reality, many people die; in this one, many, many more will. Most will be unnecessary, yet vital. In the other reality, Itachi barely makes a dent on a lonely hero's life—in this, he will be more than crucial.

Uchiha Itachi, one of the most powerful young ninja the world has ever seen.

He has the power to make a better future.

(Page break)

12:00 PM—Konohagakure

It's time for it to begin.

Throughout the village, a low rumbling starts on the ground, slowly building until it vibrates everything. Activities in the streets halt as villagers look in bewilderment around them. What could be causing this? Might it be a stampede of oxen or deer? An earthquake? Or, maybe it's an experiment going on below the greatest village in the Land of Fire?

Ninja and civilians alike drop what they are doing: leaving or coming, shopping or training. The trembling grows worse, structures begin to groan and the Hokage tower appears to bend and bow. In realization of what is happening, everyone goes for cover. Children can be heard screaming from their houses and from the civilian school—the ninja academy remains totally silent. Panicked yelps fill the street as bits of the weaker buildings fall down, villagers scattering everywhere with ninja following after them, herding like shepherds. They don't even notice the sky shifting to a midnight purple until they notice the sun disappeared. More gasps and shrieks ensue. A lonely boy watches the scene unfold from his window as "stars" find their way to the new sky. _I wish..._

Itachi stalks the streets, leading many Obaa-san and Ojii-san to safer, less panic-filled areas. The son of the White Fang helps. Ninja think of the people, the people think of themselves. Many of the civilians who survive this won't even think about helping those who got injured or lost large parts of their homes. Not like that would matter though.

The rumbling stops, and parts of the ground beings to act like quick sand. Those who are not fast enough to move are pulled right down into a laboratory below. The ground becomes solid right after, and those lives will never be seen again.

They are going to be used as sustenance.

The ground ripples around; multiple people lead to their dooms, no ninja fast enough to save them.

Below ground, the room in which the experiment is taking place is full to the brim with these new comers.

But the young girl's body that was to be possessed still lay motionless on the ground.

"What the hell? This was supposed to work! Maybe I... shit." As he flips through his research book, he realizes it. He forgot to get rid of it before he did the experiment. Ah, what has he done?

"You forgot to get rid of that." A little girl pipes up in midst of the chaos going on in the lab room. "You didn't read the instructions properly."

Kukan snorts. "Shut up brat. What do you know about this anyway, it's not like—"

"Like what? I'm not just any girl but the soul of someone that was caught in your "experiment", forced into death and forced to leave my family and friends in a whole other world, and transplanted into this body?"

That man is an unintelligent scientist.

"So it worked?"

"What do you think?" The girl sighs and

Everyone else in the room was in all out panic mode. The villagers shouted and screamed and begged for the attention of one of the two people who could let them out of the room and to their family. It took one loud "SHUT UP!" and everyone was left to their whispers and groans of discomfort and weariness. The girl continues to look at the floor and the man begins to scribble in his notebook—she snaps her head up and something sparks in her eyes.

"Give me something to write on." Kukan shrugs and grants that request, then begins flipping through the research book, looking for something. He finds it and begins analyzing it over and over again, brows furrowed in concentration as he thinks about his next move. The girl now furiously scribbling everything she can recall from her past life down, everything from quotes that can inspire power to scientific laws and properties of elements to random Kpop lyrics. Everything is written down—save for the many obscure memories that have been lost through time. Her favorite anime/manga—新劇の巨人 aka Attack on Titan—her favorite author—John Green—her favorite TV shows—Sherlock, Dr. Who, Once Upon a Time—everything. And as she writes this down, her eyes glow with this fire that slowly gets drowned by tears as she realizes what happened to her. Her silent tears wet the ground below her as she emphasizes the fact that Armin Arlert is the cutest anime dude ever and Levi is a jerk. Because that is the kind of girl she is.

No one notices the metamorphosis going on to her.

An average villager female has these traits: long, dark brown hair; fair skin, with barely a hint of color; and round, brown eyes. This was not the case for _her_. Her hair begins to turn a steel grey. Her eyes became narrower and a striking violet color while her skin became a darker tone: more sun-kissed and caramel-like. I'm sure the skin color is the only thing she carried over from her past life, the rest is just freaky.

Suddenly it gets really quiet.

"Are we going to be let out?" A villager dares to ask.

"Nope! She's going to have to kill you!" The girl looks at Kukan with a face graced with disgust. He chuckles. "If you're going to be able to live in this world, you are going to have to consume the souls of these people, you do realize that." When the look of realization dawned upon her face, he continued. "Now the way you are going to kill them is very specific..."

Her eyes widened as she listens to his instructions, her eyes flickering back from him to the gathering of fear-ridden civilians at the door. She doesn't know what to do. She frowns.

"_This is going to be a problem._" Everyone stares at her like she's some alien. Not like that was hard.

"What was that?"

"Umm, English?"

She has bigger problems to deal with than explaining the entirety of the English language. She had a moral dilemma, one that will decide her path.

(Page break)

"Where's my daughter, where is she?" A woman shrieks tears and mucus running down her face. She was prepared to go into full blown mother bear mode. Many people try calming her down, only to be thrown off with a terrible rage. She was going bonkers. Her eyes became distorted and she began laughing manically, "It is... God," she sobs-laughs. "He's taking out his anger on us! For all the sins that we have committed!" She takes a Chuunin off guard, pushing him down and taking a kunai from him, putting it in an offensive stance. Insane mothers are strong mothers.

"You! Go find my Hikari!" The Chuunin pushes herself off the ground, taking in information of the appearance of the child. Itachi brings over more misplaced villagers and sighs in exhaustion. This was getting out of hand. He looks up at the sky just as the "stars" begin to fall, creating beautiful streaks across the sky. This goes on for over two hours. The strobe lights dance around the ground, causing many to cover their eyes in pain, and some to look straight at the source—without any consequences. The children above ground look at the show above with wide eyes, absorbing all the light and imprinting it into their minds. For years and years they will wonder what put the beautiful light show in the sky, and hopefully they don't find out.

Itachi frowns slightly as he looks at the scene around him. Villagers scattered some bawling their eyes out and others blankly staring at the magnificent show the sky was putting on. Itachi is just about to go off to take count of all the missing citizens—many were reported to be sucked into the ground. No ninja was reported missing, all had reported to the impromptu missions desk set up not too far from where the young boy was standing. Only villagers and one academy student are missing right now and the biggest priority is finding the two young children within that bunch.

This however, would end up a pointless waste of time. They're walking right over their heads, and they don't even know how to get down to their level. Or do they?

A man, probably an ANBU, pulls out an earth jutsu and rips a crack through the ground, right into the laboratory, right above the blood soaked girl.

(Page break)

Awkward time skip **(****）****︵**

(Page break)

4:30 PM Hokage's office

"So if I agree to train with one of your ANBU, I can live here in Konoha?"

"You will also have to become an ANBU eventually, you know that right?"

"So, you are going to make _me_, a _five year old_ and ANBU? What kind of logic is that? You would trust me? You think that I have the ability to actually control chakra or if this body could even handle that! I mean..." The girl goes on explaining the multiple reasons why rushing her into training, being a ninja, and all this other crap that was being piled on her makes no sense whatever. She doesn't want to be forced a killer—she knows that is what they will make her do. She can consume the souls of people, in the most gruesome way possible. "And by the way, blood _is not_ as tasty as vampires make it look."

Hiruzen frowns and nods. He pulls out a sheet of paper and a pen. The girl looks at him as he jots things down.

"I think... this should work for both us _and_ the counsel."

The girl sighs and takes the paper, eyeing it warily. After a careful review, she smiles.

"You're right, I do like this. I accept."

Maybe this will work, a compromise, something to earn her trust and make sure they can trust her. No long term commitment, and missions will not be as dangerous as they could be as she will be paired with Konoha's top ANBU, and he will make sure she is in tip-top shape before she does anything. As an added bonus, she might be able to make things around more... interesting. Just as long as the council don't find out about this.

"Now what's your name?"

She forgot it of course.

She didn't write it down.

(Page break)

Naruto was bored. The academy was out for the day so the Chuunin instructors could help clean up the village after the incident the day before. The damage wasn't too extensive. Some buildings were a little worse for wear others had little to no damage whatsoever. Most of the work had to be done on fixing the ground and making it smooth again, fixing fallen walls, or uniting separated family members. It is all simple work, so things should be back to normal within a day or so. The case with the... permanently lost family members will be regarded as an S-Ranked village secret.

After getting over what happened yesterday, and the fact that his wish still hasn't come true, he was still pretty happy. No, never mind, he's not happy.

His ramen didn't cook properly this morning; he stepped on dog shit while he was walking to the Hokage tower to ask his "grandfather" about what went on yesterday. He wants to know really, really, _really_ bad. It is imperative that the Hokage doesn't keep _this_ secret from him. It would be another on his growing list of thing his grandfather wouldn't tell him and he is getting tired of it. _Why can't they tell me anything? I just want to know..._ Poor boy.

Today is just... today is... today.

The sweet scent of barbeque flies over to him, like wings of an angle, causing his stomach to pulse and turn, growl and groan.

Tough luck for him.

Naruto continues on his way, trudging straight to where he knew the answers were. That's where he will find out the answer.

_I wish my wish came true..._

The streets were too silent. The village is eerily empty. Something isn't right. The sky suddenly grows darker, and the ground begins to grumble in a similar to the way it did the day before. Cicadas begin to sing extremely loud—**kanakanakanakanakanakana**—growing louder and louder until it fills Naruto's ears with so much sound, he covers them. It doesn't work. His head feels as if it is going to explode. Everything is coming in too fast, the sounds, the darkness, the shaking—Naruto drops onto the ground and begins convulsing, eyes bursting from their sockets, fingers tearing at his ears and hair, he screams. It's happening too fast. It's—

"Naruto, did you need something?" The Hokage's voice breaks him out of his trance, and he looks up to face his elder and a girl he's never seen before.

"Uh..." He can't remember why he is here, how he got there, and momentarily, who he _is_. "I dunno..."

The girl pipes up.

"Hi!" She is oddly happy, with a small glint of recognition gleaming through her eyes.

"Hi? Um... Oh yeah! What the hell happened last night?"

The Hokage frowns.

"Remember your manners, Naruto-kun. I'm not quite sure what happened last night, I—"

"It was the effects of a tear in this reality! Someone was messing with things they shouldn't have, and caused a lot of people to pay for it."

_What the hell is she talking about? A tear in this reality? What does that even mean?_ Naruto snorts.

"That's stupid."

"Thank you."

(Page break)

**Thank you for reading this if you have! This is my first story on here and I thought I would go the easy way out and do an OC story, because I am lazy... sorry. I'll try to make it unique—but that may involve tweaking the story a **_**lot**_** so be warned.**


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